HEINUS – LONDON After a live grenade was found in a Easter egg hunt in Holford, Somerset, U.K. officials have leveled a nationwide ban on egg hunts. Associate Home Secretary Gerald Ooverhoust said that while the Home Office applauded the sense of fun inherent in British social gatherings, the introduction of grenades and other ordnance into egg hunts is likely unsafe. “In addition to the grenade in Somerset, we had reports of anti-tank mines in Newcastle, tear gas canisters in Norwich and nuclear homing torpedoes in Ullswater,” Ooverhoust said. “We think that these may be the wrong way to liven up an Easter egg hunt. We’d certainly prefer some additional time to study the issue.”
According to Ooverhoust, other traditional celebrations may also be curtailed. He cited National Tea Time, which has reportedly devolved into widespread overconsumption of tea along with lengthy bouts of tennis and snooker tournaments; St. Crispin’s Day, during which there have been numerous reports of nudity and blindfolded operation of automobiles; and the Cooper’s Hill-Cheese Rolling Event where contestants have been using strapped-on rockets in attempt to arrive at the bottom of the hill prior to the arrival of the cheese round, but which have led to a number of malfunctions, including leaving one contestant stranded in orbit before being rescued by the International Space Station.
(Easter egg image by Karakal, Cooper’s HIll image by YoLeArno)