Hog farm explosions are new trend in fast food

HEINUS – CHICAGO Buildup of foam in hog farm manure pits has led to explosions that have destroyed entire hog barns in the Midwest. While initial reaction from agriculture companies was cautiously negative, many agribusinesses are reversing their stance on hog farm explosions with the realization that the heat from the explosions resulted in perfectly cooked the pork meat suitable for sale.

When the animals returned to Earth, they were found to be fully cooked and freshly smoked. Carver Cutchins, Jr., director of new business for AgriSlant, one of the nation’s major hog farming operations, said his unit was moving forward with what AgriSlant sees as a new fast food opportunity. “We think the public is going like this pork,” Cutchins said. “It comes back to earth just as delicious as can be.”

AgriStack is planning a new chain of fast food restaurants named “Heavenly Hog Landing.” According to Cutchins, natural gas will be used to power the explosions rather than methane from pig feces. Cutchins expects no problems getting FDA approval for the restaurants. “The only wrinkle we can see is getting flak from the FAA if we place restaurants near airports. Hog carcasses in aircraft flight paths might an issue.”

Other industrial animal rearing operations are said to be watching AgriSlant closely to see if the barn explosion business is profitable. PolderMark, a major chicken producer, has reportedly blown up several chicken barns in tests.

(smoked pork ribs image by Dennis Brown)