Robot performs surgery, but is rebuffed by prestigious golf club

HEINUS – LONDON  A robot has successfully performed prostate surgery in Manchester, U.K. The robot completed the surgery in record time and medical authorities are saying this could lead to a marked increase in robotic procedures. Dr. Stobart Fremenee, chief of thoracic surgery at Dingley Park Hospital in the Belgravia section of London, said that robot surgeons might be able to handle most routine surgical chores. “I think this could have a large impact on patient care,” Dr. Fremenee said. “Especially on nice days in the spring, summer and even the fall — er, before winter rules that is.”

The robot, which goes by the name of PC-31, reportedly petitioned to join the exclusive Albion Chalk Golf Club. PC-31 was denied membership even though the club is a favorite of medical doctors, with several prominent surgeons on its rolls. Delbert Sloat, membership director of Albion Chalk, says PC-31’s not making the list had nothing to do with his being a robot. “We have come a long  way from the times when we wouldn’t admit women, Irish and greengrocers,” Sloat said. “Now, there are no discernible bars to membership. We did not admit Mister PC-31 due to the membership being currently full.”

Geddy Maclooghan, a lawyer representing PC-31 claims that Albion Chalk has misrepresented its list and does have room for his client. “They could let him have a go, if they like,” Maclooghan said. “But it’s clear their kind don’t like robots. Specially not mechanical devices what is designed to cut round inside folks.” Maclooghan has threatened both legal action and to make nude appearances near the front gate to force the club to admit PC-31.

A long-time member of the Albion Chalk club who spoke on condition of anonymity said it wasn’t an issue of discrimination. Members weren’t opposed to PC-31 because he was a robot, but rather that “as a member of the medical profession, he would naturally want to spend most of his time playing golf. If we let PC-31 join, then other surgical robots would wish to join and that might make getting a tee time a bit sticky for the rest of us.”

(golf clubs image by Tbmurray, surgical robot image by Nimur)