As any scribbler who is lucky enough to get published knows, writing the book is the easy part. The real grind commences after the manuscript wings its way to the publisher. Then the writer is called upon to do that thing most writers avoid: sell. They must hobnob, chat and engage; throw themselves headlong into the churning wheels of the media machine — if the machine even notices them!
Writers have perennially faced this challenge. Had there been podcasts down through history, it might have gone something like this…
Robert, Hubert L’incendie de Rome
Dear Emperor Nero,
I am fanaticus regarding your podcast, “Fidiculae Incendium” and I would love to join your august presence and talk about my newest scroll. I don’t play an instrument and have never committed arson, but I could hum a few bars. Plus, I’m not generally not inconvenienced by smoke.
Hark, Bill S.!
Your “Globe Theater Confidential” pod is most fair. Loved the story of Ben Jonson 
sneaking into the green room, drinking all the mulled wine and shouting “Shakespeare’s a wanker!” from the balcony during “Twelfth Night.” Could I be on the show and talk about my latest quarto? I would totally bash Ben if you want.
Dear Charlotte, Emily and Anne,
The “Bronte Sisters Reveal True Feelings That Rule Our Hearts Though Previously Unwritten as We Trod Alone Along the Yorkshire Dales” pod you produce speaks to any lover of the literary. I could come on and discuss my latest edition, which I actually wrote, no lie, in sight of some hillside ruins upon a moor.
Bonjour, Madame Curie,
I am currently glowing when I turn out the light and am wondering, given my 
radiological state, if I might be a good guest for your “All the Light from Radium That I Can See” podcast. I could also talk about my new book. I’m leading something of a half life awaiting your response.
Dear Maxwell Perkins,
It’s no surprise that your “No! Shorter, Thomas!” podcast is the best edited show around. Anyone who gets Wolfe to cut 90,000 words has the gift. Might I join you on the pod and we can kick around my latest book? I’m sure you could find five or ten thousand words to cut in the first five minutes.
Yo, Dr. Timothy Leary,
Timothy Leary and Rosemary Woodruff_John Malmin LA Times
I think your “Zizzing and Dripping” acidcast is the real deal. I say “I think” because with all the melting cats and chattering machine elves I kinda lose focus. But would like to be on the show. We can investigate if my latest book really exists or if maybe it’s just the mushrooms.
It’s always been tough to get your work out there. Even with today’s explosion of digital media, you have to tailor your pitch — from linen frock to Severance T-shirt to PVC sauna suit — to appeal to your media outlet of choice. Happy tailoring!
