At first glance, raiding graves for the teeth of nineteenth century Austrian composers seems more than merely odd. It seems pointless. But maybe we’re not seeing the whole picture.
The crime is simple enough. Some thief or thieves burrowed into the graves of Viennese composers Johannes Brahms and Johan Strauss Jr. and took their teeth. So there is either a profitable market for old dead composers teeth or the duded who did it is just batshit crazy.
Or perhaps there is another possibility. Did these composers have teeth that resonated in such a way that their music came to them when they talked or ate or snored? Perhaps the actions of everyday life caused their teeth to vibrate the rhythms and melodies of music into the brains of these two music scribblers. If so, their teeth would be highly prized. These teeth might provide the same service to a modern day composer. From the teeth that gave us An der schönen blauen Donau (the Beautiful Blue Danube), we might get some electronica masterpiece as yet uncomposed. There could be a young composer sitting in front of his Mac twiddling the virtual switches on his copy of Logic Pro who might greatly benefit from a few hours spent with Johan Strauss Jr.’s choppers. Let’s get a Kickstarter campaign going on this right now.
Brahms grave photo by ilConte.
